Desire

It is incredible how, in my spiritual life, I can tell if I’m blogging or not. Not that I hit a low of any sorts, but there is a certain amount of contentment I gain and growth I lack. I believe it has been a couple of months since my last post for various reasons – school year starting with Young Life, occupied by friends, lack of commitment to the blog, other ways in which I’ve been flushing out thoughts (small group and individual conversations). In all of that though, I miss my blog. There is a certain aspect about getting my thoughts down on paper, that I don’t gain anywhere else.

God has been faithful to me (in more ways then one). The past three months I have been stretched, challenged, humbled, doubtful, confused, but ultimately joyful. The ever challenging concept of trust, has proven to be effective and real.

This past weekend I was challenged and blessed. Young Life at ASU (YL@ASU) each fall holds a "college weekend", a weekend up in Northern Arizona at a Young Life camp. We encourage students to join us for the weekend, with the hope that either they will be introduced to a relationship with Jesus for the first time or be able to further that relationship. In the weekend I brought with me 5 guys, who were all sophomore's possessing different relationships with Jesus, different perspectives about what that relationship meant, and different desires to further that relationship.

Throughout the weekend I was able to lead a small group with these 5 guys, where we took the messages we heard throughout the weekend and discussed them. They challenged me. Without getting into too much detail - a lot of our conversations surrounded the idea of what a relationship with Jesus meant. A couple of them were disgusted with the Church's over used and sermonized concept of sin. One guy was challenged with this idea of "trust". Not wanting to place all his trust in something, if it could turn out to be false. How do we know Jesus is real? Then stating "all I want is to be able to trust someone". We talked about life experiences and the messages taken from those experiences. These guys were smart, honest, opinionated, and challenged what they heard (something that I admired).

Throughout the weekend we worked through these issues and questions. In that, God opened my eyes to another aspect of "our personal relationship with HIM". It is personal. Personal enough, where our relationship is what we make it. Words and seeking advice can only go so far, we have to want it. I have to possess a desire to want to address my brokenness and my weaknesses (sin). I have to possess a desire to want to further my relationship, sacrifice, and be challenged. Without that desire, we put on blinders to our sin and brokenness and brakes to a relational growth with Jesus.

I cannot expect to feel the tangibleness and joy of God, if I don't desire to seek it (him). Then once we desire to seek, we must ask ourself what seeking Christ even looks like?

I now understand that this desire for Christ produces freedom, healing, purpose, comfort, and joy; in a world where I'm seeing more and more brokenness and the pain involved.